The Trip – Part 1 – Captivating

Warning: this is one of my religious posts. If religion offends you, skip to part 2. You won’t miss anything you care about, and I’ll start with a recap.

I’ve just returned from an epic vacation. After years of not taking a break, I made up for it with weeks of soul care, rest, and adventure with the man I love.

The trip was made up of 3 parts: a retreat, a publishing conference, and then a road trip that went from Denver to Prince Edward Island in Canada, and then back to Washington state.

The first part started with an email. Ransomed Heart had opened the lottery for the next Captivating retreat. (These events always have more applications than they have space, so they have a lottery process for available tickets.)

But there was a catch: This would be the last one in the United States.

What? But I’d wanted to take my daughter and my daughters-in-law! One daughter-in-law just started a new job and the other was expecting her first baby during that time. At least my daughter might be able to go. I signed up immediately, completely ticking off my daughter who really should have been consulted first.

I definitely had some explaining to do. This event was so special to me, I didn’t know if we’d get in, but I wanted her to have a chance and the sign up window was small.

My daughter forgave me, and we did get in. They actually stretched the attendance to 400 women. The place was packed.

They held the retreat high in the Colorado mountains, at a place called Crooked Creek Ranch. We were told to bring the minimum of luggage. (This becomes an issue in parts 2 and 3…) I know that Colorado in April is an unknown, so we prepared not only for altitude but also for everything from sun to snow. We were not disappointed.

The drive to the camp is over an hour from the Denver airport, up switchback turns and over dirt roads you would not think those huge busses could navigate. Every turn reveals a stunning view.

There is no Internet there. No cell service. Not a whole lot of oxygen, either, but we’d prepared for the altitude and I was surprised how well we did. Not all of the campers fared as well. A friend in Colorado recommended LMNT. That turned out to be a lifesaver. I shared with others who were dealing with altitude sickness and it helped them, too.

I was terrified to go on this trip because I have some pretty ugly dietary restrictions. One of many bright spots was the caring kitchen staff who made sure everyone was well fed. Having dessert several times a day that I could actually eat? I was spoiled.

We went for food of a very different kind, though. I’ve talked about Captivating before. It is a powerful event, surrounded by prayer warriors. If you’re willing to open your heart, God shows up and provides you with a very personal experience.

I don’t know my daughter’s story, but she wasn’t sorry she came.

For me, the message I received was that my job is to make space. What I do in work gives people a voice, and God wants me to keep doing that and not to forget my purpose.

One of my favorite parts of Captivating is the prayer room. It is a quiet space of beauty, peace, and comfort. The lights are dim. There’s music, but it isn’t intrusive. The room is full of comfortable private spaces, pillows, soft wraps. There are tiny twinkling lights wrapped in netting lined with gold and silver filaments. Candles and insence scent the air lightly. It is peace. No, I didn’t see angels protecting the space… But I felt a protection there that is hard to describe.

Of all my memories of past events, the prayer room is my dearest. I vowed to spend every free moment there. Yes, Colorado is beautiful in the snow. And yes, I know I can pray anywhere. But that space is lovely. One of my goals is to make a space like that at home.

I was seldom alone in the room. With 400 women, even in the middle of the night, someone was there. Yet generally, people chose to respect each other’s privacy.

There were long private chats with God in that room. I wasn’t in pain or trauma as I had been during previous events. Still, we talked about life. I expressed my struggle at work with my search for a solution to the distribution problem. (More on that in part 2.) God said, “Let me be your distributor.” My response was not holy. I believe I snorted. “Well, you’re probably the only option I have,” was some of my snark. And then the answer stunned me. “I have been doing this for a long time, and I’m pretty good at selling books.”

Huh.

I’d gotten into the habit of chatting and listening. Listening. That’s the part I so often forget when praying.

There was a lot more to the discussion, partially around the problem of me not having a seat for some sessions. This body doesn’t do well on the floor. A kind person made space for me.

“And what did you learn?”

“It is good to have a space?”

“Yes. And I’m going to send you people to make space for.”

Huh. Ok. Oh look, I’m late for dinner.

And so I went to dinner and was stuck at the back of a line. As I stood there, I heard a woman’s voice. “Well, they told me to write the book, so I did. But I can’t find a publisher, so I guess that’s it.”

Understand: I have learned to keep quiet about being a publisher in public.

That still small voice said, “Give her your card.”

I’m in line for dinner. I’m late. I can only eat some of the food. I don’t have my cards on me. The only reason I have cards is for the next event (part 2). “That would make me look like a crazy eavesdropper.”

The voice got significantly louder. “Give her your card. Trust me.”

So I got out of line and went and got a card. I walked up to a complete stranger and mumbled something like, “I swear I’m not crazy, but I’m supposed to give you this. I heard you say you need a publisher.” And then I bravely ran away.

Dinner was delicious and I even got dessert.

During part 3 of the vacation, she called me. We talked. I agreed to read the book. What surprised me is how wonderful that book is! It is one of the best written memoirs I’ve ever read. It looks like I’ll be publishing it, and I can’t wait to share her story.

I was not sitting around eavesdropping, but since I was alone, I was often brought into other conversations. (My daughter preferred to hang around with younger people.) During one session, I was shifted to a different seat. (Remember: I was having seating issues and gave up and just let God stick me wherever.) The story isn’t mine to tell, but I overheard a woman saying that she’d asked someone a question. It was a question I once asked during the darkest time of my life. It’s not a common question to ask.

I couldn’t hide my gasp. She looked at me. I whispered, “And was the response don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to?” Now we were eye to eye and I could see her tears. “And you asked again,” I whispered. See looked at me and whispered, “And I got an answer.”

Now we were both crying. “You got the truth. And now you have to live with that.”

“You’ve been there!”

I nodded. “That was the darkest, most heart broken I’ve ever been. I didn’t think I’d survive. But it got better. Truth was healing… In the same way being cut open for surgery is healing.”

We talked for a while before she said, “God put you hear to give me hope.”

Yeah. So not having a seat was interesting. And uncomfortable. And beautiful.

I met some amazing women. Part of Captivating is about sharing our stories. Because everyone has a story. And stories have power.

There were long periods of silence, contemplating, healing, and joy.

I learned about the book Defiant Joy that I’ve been reading since my return.

And one of the wonderful women shared a playlist of the music. I’ll share it with you as well. But let me tell you, there’s nothing as beautiful as listening to 400 women praising God. I think it was a glimpse of Heaven.

I am sad that there won’t be another. But I admit, I’m looking forward to an eternity of hearing people’s stories, time spend with God, and beautiful praise music.

All of the sessions are available online, and you can access them for free here.

I left from there to spend a week with my closest friend, a woman who has survived cancer since I saw her last. And together, we embarked on part 2 of my epic vacation.